Thursday, August 28, 2008

Mule Notes 3

Longtime Barry Crimmins friend, and new pal of mine, John A. Joslin is a union electrician in Detroit. He's also a really funny, perceptive writer, as those who've received his hilariously detailed emails already know. Recently at Barry's joint, John explained why Caroline Kennedy was so taken with Joe Biden during Obama's VP search. I reprint it here, in case you haven't seen it.

"Barry, I think we can forgive Caroline Kennedy . . . even though we probably shouldn't. Let's take the high road on this one. Caroline Kennedy was like a little kid trying to pin the tail on the donkey for Christ's sakes. She was used by these inane strategy bastards. They blindfolded her & set her stumbling off down the breakdown lane of the Beltway w/ instructions to find a good, honest man who can help us heal this country.

"Next thing you know, she comes back with 'plastic Joe' in tow, the guy who's been helping the credit card industry steal this country. She basically drags in the equivalent of 100 feet of human anchor chain to wrap around the ankles of the Obama campaign. She couldn't help it, Barry, in my opinion.

"She was raised to give a hand to the less fortunate, and a sad sack old bagman w/ his hourglass running out of sand fits the description. The nautical thing was a factor, too. You know what I'm talking about: Hyannis Port, spinnakers, don't go swimming until two hours after eating a bushel of fried clams, tying bowlines with one hand, tilting decks, spar varnish, starfish, and salt water spray in your hair. It all adds up. She was spawned by water people and she knows a genuine NON-boat rocker when she sees one.

"The Kennedys were always big on acts of charity. She probably figures it would be good for Joe to spend his declining years in the company of a halfway decent human being like Obama.

"Plus, in case Obama LOSES . . . Joe B. will be the perfect guy, right up front beaming for the cameras just like nothing happened -- 'We fought the good fight. Tonight, we have heard the voice of the American people from the tiny hamlets and the busy crossroads, from the small towns, the farming communities, and from the great urban centers of this nation. I might have wanted it to go the other way, but let me be the first to congratulate my good friend and maniacal counterpart . . .' blah, blah.

"We can't blame Caroline Kennedy."

Wonderfully put, though if Obama were indeed a "halfway decent human being," he wouldn't be running for president. Can't blame Caroline Kennedy for that, either.

I've mentioned the DNC's use of bad American pop songs to juice the proceedings, and give the delegates something to dance to other than lies and promises of more war. I don't know what they have planned for Obama's coronation tonight, but when Biden joins him on stage, I sincerely hope that the speakers blast this classic duet, with Obama and Biden recreating every move and expression, shades included.